non dulce non et decor

I feel so restless, when I really should be throwing myself into my chemistry work with vigour because exams are coming up and my understanding of nuclear chemistry right now is just little balls flying around and hitting each other and KABOOM the world is ending. 

But here I am, blogging and waiting for my sister to finish bullshitting her essay so we can watch teen wolf together. 

Tumblr makes me feel so lonely at times, and then I cringe when I contemplate the fact I am entering the slippery slope of turning into an attention seeking little brat, who is one step away from stating her favourite book is Lolita and quoting song lyrics on every single damn post for self promotion. Like, every single person on that website is depressed and the more I look at how sad and pathetic and desperate some people are, the more depressed I feel myself. 

Why that site fetishises sadness and mental health issues is beyond me, and irritates me to no end bc if I see another 13 yr old claim to have an eating disorder bc they threw up once, or have depression bc they thought they'd try cutting themselves bc they were sort of sad, I will be tempted to punch something. It's not cool, nor is it fashionable or artistic to be fucked up. 

Of course, I'm not saying that mental health is not important BECAUSE IT IS, but my only issues with that lie in the fact that by telling people that all their problems matter, we're seriously distorting what "suffering" is. Everyone has issues, and everyone gets sad, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're depressed, rather sometimes you just need to learn to suck it up. Resilience, people.

Friday: it was so good

Friday night: my bible 

Saturday: I was hobbling by the end of the day bc of a blister

Saturday afternoon: didn't get that cami, the straps were too long ):

It started raining like crazy. Like actually crazy. 

I tried herbal jelly milk tea for the first time ever. So good

Some of the reasons why I'm permanently broke 

I got my big hoops on

X

Jess

an ode to art

Between my many existential crises of the past month, I've reached an impasse in my life. 

I started a new tumblr (I'm prone to doing this like every few months), and I was going to do fashion posts on there, but now it's more of a photography blog, and kind of an ode to my love of skies. I've been inspired by Nan Goldin's work, and it's kind of made me keen to get back into taking photos. I love the feeling of capturing moments, and my nostalgic/sentimental tendencies, apart from making me cry a lot, romanticise little moments a LOT. I think in pictures, and I want the physical proof for when memory later fails. 

But I digress, I will continue doing fashion posts somewhere, because really, fashion was my first love, and an artistic outlet for me. I've decided I'm going to combine my love for clothes with my love of writing/reading/quotes and so that's a project I'm going to work on after my exams. 

Also, I'm kind of in a I-have-nothing-to-wear-what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking-when-I-bought-this-animal-printed-harem-pant moment in my life, and have decided that from now on, I will only buy black, white, or vaguely-90s looking clothing items (read: I really want a tartan skirt and anything worn in clueless, bc you know, it's clueless). I need to buy some basics before going crazy (it's hard because I have all sorts of phases where I'm like yes, I wanna look like a mermaid on acid) 

Yes, I have the best friends in the world. 

Mmhmm the Windsor Smith Lilies :)

lol, with my sister sleeping in the background - this was from last week when our hot water system broke and I went for like 3 days without showering and a week without washing my hair. Ick. 

Looking mighty impressed - this photo doesn't show it, but my mascara was so good that day

On the drive home from math tutoring - fisheye looks pretty cool 

I found a picture book for my history extension project lol 

Hey it's a cartoon hitler

I can't really stand Vogue but everything else is cool with me. Thursday afternoons. 

The suburbs

Something is fucking wrong with me. I bought a wig on a whim. Tempted to dye my hair now

What I wore yesterday. 

Lol we went to daiso and my sister wanted to get stickers

I'm actually in love

Oh did I mention my sister bought a copy of Rookie Yearbook Two?! It's like my bible. 

I have to go write up my chemistry practical now. 

My photography tumblr: manicpixiegrrl.tumblr.com

Xx

Jess

sweet sixteen is over

Hello fellow human beings

So this is it. This is me at 17 years of age, in my final year of high school. 

I've developed an attachment to coffee, but at the same time I don't think it works. I don't think I have an addictive personality, but I can't kick old habits. I've bitten my nails down to the quick but it no longer hurts. Can people become accustomed to pain?

I've spent the nights of the last few weeks watching SBS documentaries, eating unripe peaches and playing games on my phone until finally sleep welcomes me. 

I've been in a 90s music phase, and I can't remember what I liked before, but between Oasis, Nirvana and Aerosmith it doesn't really matter. I said maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me. They make me sad, but in a good way. The 1975 and Arcade Fire aren't half bad either. (Chocolate, Sex, Girls || Modern Man, The Suburbs) and I'm waning off Lana del Rey. Her new song isn't that great. (But oh it's indescribable the chills some of her old songs give me - This is What Makes Us Girls, Dark Paradise, Lucky Ones, Damn You, Never Let Me Go, Summertime Sadness, Blue Jeans). 

How can I tell you that I'm bored of my hair, that I crave change and want to pierce my ears again (helix? industrial?) and I wished I had something to take photos of. How I write shitty poetry at 2am because that's the best time to write, when you're poised on the precipice of reality and non-reality and the world doesn't seem real, or alive. How going to school gives me a sense of purpose and routine, but leaves me beyond exhausted. How my uniform frustrates me because the shirt's too loose and my skirt creeps down my legs throughout the day and makes me look like a nun by seventh period if I don't continuously roll it up. 

I want to say so many things but the words disappear when I need them the most and only reappear at night. Or they just die a soundless death on my tongue, because I hate being cheesy and then I feel sad because when I think about I never tell my parents how much I appreciate them, or love them or how I don't know how to tell my grandma that I love her, that I'd love her even if she wasn't the only one who spoiled me and gave me the things I want. 

There are too many things I can't recite about myself, and I wish I could. Maybe I'll write more often, maybe I'll go out more often, maybe I'll be forced to repeat what I know often enough that it becomes part and parcel of my memory. 

Here's to the new school year, the new lunar year, to new opportunities and turning each day into a mini story of its own.

ootd: chokers are my new favourite thing. 

Few shots I took of my sister. 

We are so bad at making food look attractive. So much more respect for the people on Masterchef because "presentation" is not easy

A friend gave me a souvenir from China hehe

On Friday after school, my sister had an orthodontist appointment so we went to Trade Secret afterward and after that it was happy hour so we scored some super cheap sushi that tasted like heaven. 

Piercing inspo : I don't really know what I want but I'd rather it be different on each ear and not just a double lobe piercing (because that's so overdone nowadays) and definitely something on top. Mother thinks getting more than one piercing is the fast track to dropping out of school and ending up in a gang or something though lol. 

X

Jess

don't look back in anger

Slip inside the eye of your mind

Don't you know you might find

A better place to play

You said that you've never been

But all the things that you've seen

They slowly fade away

Step outside, summertime's in bloom

So, Sally can wait

She knows it's too late as we're walking on by 

My soul slides away

But don't look back in anger

Don't look back in anger

I heard you say

\\\

Just a couple of photos from when we went to the state library + city on Monday. 

there's plenty of time for life to suck later

Hello all,

I'm currently analysing Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls for English, English Extension and History Extension. Multi-purpose to the extreme. 

I just felt like writing on this blog because I don't know, it's been kind of crap these past few days and writing is kind of a release for me. 

So recently, I've been marathoning The OC at nights with my sister and there was a quote from the episode where they go to Tijuana, when Summer tells Marissa after she finds out her parents are getting divorced that "There's plenty of time for life to suck later... Let's have fun right now." That wasn't the exact quote but it was something along those lines and it's kind of become my mantra right now. There really isn't any point worrying about what might happen, because if it does happen, then there'll be plenty of time to worry about it later. 

Seth has some seriously freaking awesome lines in there as well. He's the best omg I feel all happy and fuzzy when he does or says something cute. 

Aside from my hermit like night behaviour, I travelled to the city last Thursday with my friend. We were heading to the State Library but somehow we ended up lost and took a massive detour. Not to mention how Trip Planner told us to go to Stand Q at Wynyard and we reached Wynyard and were walking down the row of stops when we reach the last stop and it's actually Stand P not Q, because Stand Q wasn't even with the rest of them. 

I don't really get the chance to go to the city though, so it was still fun. Going there tomorrow again, but with my sister. We were going to go to Kirribilli today, but I kind of told my parents we were going to the State Library and they were like "then you can go on Monday. The streets are deserted on Sundays" (the implication being that we were gonna get kidnapped and murdered if we go on a Sunday) and I kind of just let it go because I don't want to fight with my parents. 

So I'm going tomorrow. And we're just going to go around the city. There's Market City I guess. And Topshop. And Zara. So it's not all bad. 

Going barefoot is the best. Wearing Sportsgirl tee, H&M shorts

I wasn't even wearing pants. That's how hot it was. 

Guys, I had a "I want to be healthy" phase which lasted right until I tasted natural yoghurt. 

Post Christmas specials are the best

Trying shoes on at Target the other week. These are the shoes I showed you guys in my haul. I love the 20s/60s mashup feel about them. 

What trip is complete without food? Tried the new pho place at Castle Mall. I love Vietnamese food. 

You know another reason why tomorrow is going to be awesome??? 

AUSTRALIAN OPEN IS STARTING YAYA. 

And I don't know if they're playing tomorrow but Tomic v Nadal has me very excited lol. Oh it's been too long since I've watched Nadal play. (Although Federer played in the Brisbane tournament and he's also so good to watch and so that's cool too :))

Bisous

xx

Jess