feminism

I have a plethora of thoughts about feminism and valentines day and self validation and commercialism and modesty currently running through my mind. Because I come across some pretty thought provoking posts on tumblr about feminism a lot of the time and I just feel like they deserved to be talked about. 

I would have to say that I do identify myself as feminist, and that I don't understand why people wouldn't. Feminism doesn't denote the radical bra burning, flinging-yourself-under-a-horse-to-gain-the-right-to-vote stereotype that people seem to associate it with. Nor does it imply that you're a lesbian who hates men. It's about attaining equal rights for men and women. 

I think one of the reasons why some people may view it as a negative thing, as a female-supremacist kind of doctrine is because successful women aren't nearly as rare as they were a century, half century ago. Because first wave feminism (the Suffragettes) have attained their goal, so what more could they possibly want? World domination? Is it a case of their desire for more influence and power taking over? The fact that in the modern workforce, women still earn 17% less than their male counterparts, that's a problem. But having said that, I don't necessarily believe in having a ready made pathway for a token woman in the higher echelons of business corporations is any better. That's still inequality, and unfair because women should still have to work hard to get there. The fact that they have decided beforehand the number of women they need to select as a criteria is stupid in itself, because being a woman is not a skill, nor is being a man. 

Now here's the part I feel more passionately about, because those are only facts and figures which have stuck with me from Cosmo articles and my 3 term long stay in Legal Studies, and they don't affect me in real life, to be honest, because I'm a student and I don't even have a part time job.

What defines my attitude towards feminism is the fact that there are double standards in society. Conservatism is the biggest challenger of feminism. It's ignorance and blind acceptance and double moral standards wrapped up into one big fucking package, all because that's what the patriarchal hierarchy in history have dictated based on even older codes of morality (yes I mean religion but I'm not hating. It's more complex than that). 

I'm talking about slut shaming and the Madonna-Whore dichotomy (thanks, English, for introducing me to that). To me, I don't think being a "slut" is a bad thing, but I'm not blind to its connotations. And it irritates me that people think it's morally degrading to be a slut, because having sex somehow makes someone less of a person? If anything, kudos to them because it's their choice and they have a right to make their own choices. And the whole idea of modesty. The whole concept of "modesty" pisses me off because once again, therein lies the double standard. Why is going shirtless for guys not a big deal, but it's indecent for girls to change in the presence of males? It's not like I'm not wearing a bra, and even then, why are boobs offensive? Like at what point in human evolution did extra fat in the chest region become such a big deal? 

Point #2: in my experience, it's not even guys who are the perpetrators of slut shaming most of the time. 

Many people I know are very very conservative, and I don't think they even realise to what extent because I think my school is just very very conservative and we aren't even a private Christian school, for crying out loud. Like conservatism is the predominant belief system. I don't think I've met anyone who openly discriminates against gays or females or whatever, but my point is that the existence of double standards is subtle. 

Girls themselves who want to be pure, and think they should be pure, and think it's a breach of some natural law when others don't are what irritate me. Don't make it sound like an anomaly, or abomination to human race when you hear about girls who lose their virginity before marriage or even to a guy they just met. It doesn't matter, it's their choice. I think many people are judgemental, and by default I judge them. Yes I know we shouldn't and I know it's bad and close minded but that's just my natural reaction when you say that skirt's too short for you because you're not a slut. Yes you have an opinion and yes I respect that you have an opinion, but when you imply that it's wrong I am annoyed. Worse yet, whichever fucking bastard dates imply a woman was asking to be raped because of what she was wearing. 

Which brings me to point #3 (which is sort of a rehash of the opening part of point #1) : virginity is a social construct

I don't believe in waiting til marriage or whatever. And just on a general note, when guys say things like "I wouldn't want a girl who's slept with more than x amount of people" that's perfectly fine, assuming you think that everyone should be subject to that standard. 

If you think that women should not sleep with as many people as men are entitled to, then you are backward and I hope I don't ever meet you in real life. 

Lastly, a general complaint from me about the kind of shit I've heard in my life, most of which come from my parents (but it's because they were raised in a completely different context). Like whenever we visit relatives and whatnot, I hate it when people tell my parents they are so lucky because I am "so docile and obedient". Like that is not a fucking compliment and the only reason you think that is because I never say anything because I can't fucking speak Chinese well enough to voice my opinions on the things you put down. When they say offhandedly that "it's not necessary for a girl to work so hard and be really good at maths/become a doctor or engineer or whatever other male dominated jobs there are" because "you can find a good husband" I am dying inside because I'm pretty sure part #1 (obedience) leads them to this conclusion (subservience) and that really hurts that they think that's the extent of my potential. When they talk about other relatives in China, and what men expect of women there, and then they tell me that if I can't find a boyfriend in the future, I can just go to china because "people there are so rich" and I want to swear but I can't because fuck, I was raised to not be rude. Because I am a girl. They tell me about how so and so can't find a husband because she has a fucking PHd and "is too smart" or how someone else can't find a husband because she is not pretty enough or too fat or she is from a single parent family and hence must be damaged goods. 

Or because I am such a good girl I won't become a lesbian and defy my parents. These sorts of comments disgust me. 

Now go on, go and tell me feminism isn't still relevant. 

sweet sixteen is over

Hello fellow human beings

So this is it. This is me at 17 years of age, in my final year of high school. 

I've developed an attachment to coffee, but at the same time I don't think it works. I don't think I have an addictive personality, but I can't kick old habits. I've bitten my nails down to the quick but it no longer hurts. Can people become accustomed to pain?

I've spent the nights of the last few weeks watching SBS documentaries, eating unripe peaches and playing games on my phone until finally sleep welcomes me. 

I've been in a 90s music phase, and I can't remember what I liked before, but between Oasis, Nirvana and Aerosmith it doesn't really matter. I said maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me. They make me sad, but in a good way. The 1975 and Arcade Fire aren't half bad either. (Chocolate, Sex, Girls || Modern Man, The Suburbs) and I'm waning off Lana del Rey. Her new song isn't that great. (But oh it's indescribable the chills some of her old songs give me - This is What Makes Us Girls, Dark Paradise, Lucky Ones, Damn You, Never Let Me Go, Summertime Sadness, Blue Jeans). 

How can I tell you that I'm bored of my hair, that I crave change and want to pierce my ears again (helix? industrial?) and I wished I had something to take photos of. How I write shitty poetry at 2am because that's the best time to write, when you're poised on the precipice of reality and non-reality and the world doesn't seem real, or alive. How going to school gives me a sense of purpose and routine, but leaves me beyond exhausted. How my uniform frustrates me because the shirt's too loose and my skirt creeps down my legs throughout the day and makes me look like a nun by seventh period if I don't continuously roll it up. 

I want to say so many things but the words disappear when I need them the most and only reappear at night. Or they just die a soundless death on my tongue, because I hate being cheesy and then I feel sad because when I think about I never tell my parents how much I appreciate them, or love them or how I don't know how to tell my grandma that I love her, that I'd love her even if she wasn't the only one who spoiled me and gave me the things I want. 

There are too many things I can't recite about myself, and I wish I could. Maybe I'll write more often, maybe I'll go out more often, maybe I'll be forced to repeat what I know often enough that it becomes part and parcel of my memory. 

Here's to the new school year, the new lunar year, to new opportunities and turning each day into a mini story of its own.

ootd: chokers are my new favourite thing. 

Few shots I took of my sister. 

We are so bad at making food look attractive. So much more respect for the people on Masterchef because "presentation" is not easy

A friend gave me a souvenir from China hehe

On Friday after school, my sister had an orthodontist appointment so we went to Trade Secret afterward and after that it was happy hour so we scored some super cheap sushi that tasted like heaven. 

Piercing inspo : I don't really know what I want but I'd rather it be different on each ear and not just a double lobe piercing (because that's so overdone nowadays) and definitely something on top. Mother thinks getting more than one piercing is the fast track to dropping out of school and ending up in a gang or something though lol. 

X

Jess