my neverending night: so uninspired

And I can't do this maths question. Exams are on Thursday and Friday and I think I've got things sorted (well I will have by then) but there's so much maths to do that's not even being tested.

Feeling so ick right now. My minds all over the place and I haven't been taking care of myself and my usually cooperative skin is not cooperating.

Think I will go to watch The Fault in Our Stars with friends on the Friday (we only have English which is 40minutes). Yeah that sounds good. I loved that book. What a typical teenage girl, right?

There's no time for anything. I can't read for fun and I can't think for fun. I just do. But I never do enough. Sigh.

And I haven't taken a good selfie in like forever. Double sigh.

No inspiration. I don't have any direction for this post. But that doesn't matter. I'm going to keep writing until i have something to say.

Oh yeah. My mum asked if I wanted to go to Shanghai late November because my HSC will be over. Usually I would be quite scared and nervous to go back by myself without my parents or my sister even, who has gone with me the past two times so at least I wasn't all alone but this time I was literally just like hell yes. I miss that place. I was so naive and boring the last time I went. No appreciation for the history. Or the slight nuances of the aesthetics architecturally and just in general. I miss it like fuck. So I was really excited and basically just said yes and my stomach was doing happy cartwheels and I couldn't wait to go back and see my grandma and all the family and my dad's old friends and their kids who are older than me but were still pretty easy to talk to the last time I was there. I didn't get any really good photos last time so this time I was going to capture things properly, all the French Concession buildings and how they're falling apart but still beautiful in a way that makes me think what it must have been like living in Shanghai in the late 19th to early 20th century. They called it the Paris of the East. Also the shopping is good. They have H&M and we don't. So much more freedom too. Australia is so expensive. China is to an extent, but not as bad. Especially the markets ! You can find so many cute trinkets and little knick knacks and useless shit that's pretty cool.

But it's not certain. Actually for certain reasons it's quite unlikely I'm gonna be able to go. But maybe I might still be able to go. Maybe I'm too used to taking maybe as a no.

But it sucks. Until they tell me I can go, I'm gonna assume it's a no. So basically I have very little to look forward to after the HSC. It will be schoolies a week after my exams end and then I have a few days before formal and then possibly a family friend's formal (bc he is a chicken and refuses to ask the girl he likes. Also, I can't tell if he's fucking with me when he mentioned her. Or if she exists. He has a tendency to "troll" as he puts it. Either way I hate when people do that.) schoolies should be good but I'm scared that will be all I do. But it's down to me I guess. I'm just gonna slave my ass away for the next year bc I've already decided I'm going to go to Europe next year. I used to follow Ebba Zingmark's blog religiously and she went on a Eurorail trip around Europe and it sounds really cool. Also I'm getting The Tourist vibes about this. Like Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. They were on a train and it went from like France to Italy so I really just want to do something like that. Where else is on my list? Iceland, Chile, the whole of Europe (esp France, Spain and Italy. Also Greek Islands. And Austria/Germany and where all the cool architecture and kind of super old but classy buildings are. Like castles !)

I follow this girl called Engracia (of vilicity if you want to find her tumblr) and she is so amazing and inspiring and she was in Italy for 2months ish and all her photos were so beautiful and Italy is so beautiful and I really want to go for that reason. Her life is actually the epitome of my goals.

Hmm so that's something to look forward to I suppose. But still what am I going to do this year?!! Please if you have any suggestions as to where to go/see/do in Sydney region then tell me and I will love you forever.

I'm dying here. Please let there be concerts and festivals to go to. I really wish Lana del Rey would tour Australia.

Also the hockey's on. Stayed up til 1am last night watching it. So beautiful the way they control the ball.

It's this castle in Hungary. I forgot the name. Hungarian as a language looks terrifying. Like Polish.

From vilicity.tumblr.com - she was in Washington and I think it is proof of her superhuman talent that she makes Washington look beautiful bc honestly I have never even had a single thought about Washington until she posted these pics